Payment in Love, Receipt Requested

Payment in Love, Receipt Requested

Let's face it...I'm in college, and dating and marriage are all around in every circle I walk. And that's not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. I'm glad that I'm at an age where marriage's being around the corner is a real possibility...and it's both an exciting possibility, and intriguing possibility, and a terrifying possibility.

But in all the hullabuloo surrounding me with all my friends stepping into (and sometimes out of) relationships while I look on, I have to ask myself, when I do get married, what is it that will make my marriage a good one or a bad one? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that a good marriage takes a lot of work, and you get out of it proportionally to what you put in.

One thing that has been creeping into my mind recently is a lot of the nifty things that I would do if I were married now. No, I'm not talking about having sex (although that certainly qualifies as nifty). I just have to sit and think: even now, one of the ways that I show (Christian) love for someone is by wanting to spend time with them, talking to them, doing nice things for them, etc. Of course, Christian love should be amplified a million times in a marriage. So all of those things should occur a thousand fold.

One of the things that I think would give me an absurd amount of joy would be to be able to take my bride out for dinner, to sit at the restaurant and just talk--talk about glad things and sad things, about things weighty and unimportant. I'd love to be able to sit out and watch a sunset with such a friend, to share in the beauty of God's creation together. Few things would give me more joy than just holding my wife in a sustained hug for minutes.

Call me the helpless romantic (which I'm not), but I just think those sorts of things would be both excellent at continuing to build a relationship with a spouse and for showing love and affection that would actually be present. I'm not talking about trying to force myself to love my wife, I'm talking about taking the amazing love that I know God will give me for her and letting it flesh itself out.

"What do you want in your marriage?" is an important thing that every unmarried man and woman should ask themselves, even before they begin dating. And, quite honestly, I think I know what the answer is in my case...

What I want in a marriage is, first and foremost, someone who will truly let me love them. That seems like an odd thing to say, but so much love in the world seems to go unrequainted. I don't know how many times I've tried to do something nice that seems to meet a cold shoulder, and there's nothing that hurts worse in the entire world. Nothing depresses me more easily than trying to be a friend and having the other person make it difficult (we're talking about usual Christian friendships here, not romance).

When I get married, I'd want to be able to love my wife and have it be received, not left out on the table to grow icy. And, because it works this way--said receipt always involves return. And so you pass it back and forth and watch it amplify between you.

My thoughts are jumbled this evening, but I'm satisfied with that. Maybe they'll flesh out into something more systematic when I start dating or get married.

Luke