My Life vs. my Apartment

I'm sitting in an apartment that I've lived in for a total of five (non-consecutive) days. There are boxes all over the floor and books and CDs that I can't sort until I bring two more bookshelves from home. The place is still a relative mess. And so is my life. I've got sin in my life that I feel like I should be able to fix, but I keep doing the same things I hate. I don't love people well, I'm not patient, I don't put others before myself, and the list goes on.

I feel like I should be able to fix this. Just like moving a box in my apartment, emptying the contents and placing them in the proper place and then throwing out the useless box in the dumpster outside, I should be able to prioritize my life correctly and throw out my sin. I'm a perfectionist--I understand that. I want to be able to make things right this very instant and of my own power, and things just don't work that way. It's no surprise (but still a source of great frustration), therefore, when all my efforts blow up in my face.

I can't change myself...I don't have the power. The Holy Spirit's work in my life is required for me to change and be more holy. I'm aware of my own sin, but it seems that I need to repent of my own repentance...because my repentance is spurious. It's false repentance--I hate what I do that is wrong, but I don't flee to Christ--instead I try to fix myself on my own so I'll have fewer spots on my wedding day. But it doesn't work. I need to learn to stop being such a perfectionist--but just working toward that is often just a catch 22. Argh.

Luke